Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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