guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
