So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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