dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
