like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You took a bar mat shot.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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