Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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