Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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