He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wow bdsm is so cute
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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