I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
