Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
