we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
