Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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