bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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