btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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