Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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