We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
