last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am available for nakedness
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
