On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
