Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
