It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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