I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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