If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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