well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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