Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
