Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
