the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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