How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
