we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
