that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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