i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
