Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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