i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
