just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
