The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
