i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
