when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
