So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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