Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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