margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
