great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
