my shit smells like andre
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
