I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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