I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
