You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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