Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
