The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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