I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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