i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize