so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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