you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
