dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
