yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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