shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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