Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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