You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
