I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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