mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
