The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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