That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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