So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
