Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
