why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
