Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
