he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
