is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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