addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
