I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
