she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
