I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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