My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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